Hassan is really neat
by Lad Lad
Summary: The Master has an idea and he needs the Hassan's help. No, the meat dragon isn't an innuendo..


**A/N: So I'm actually in the middle of moving (as of writing) and I intend to write as much as I want to which is apparently not that much considering... anyways, I really don't have a schedule for this, I don't intend to make one, but I hope you enjoy. Cya.**

 **bye lol ~Lad Lad**

Master Has An Idea For Serenity! (and Personas)

"Hassan, I have an idea." That... usually meant trouble, especially for the Hassans. And right now? It was definitely trouble.

The one (probably of two) surviving master of Chaldea stood before the semi-trembling semi-terrified Hassans of Serenity and Personas, with Cursed Arm moping at the master's side.

"What's your idea, Master?" Serenity's innocent question ended... rather well. Their Master smiled as he began to walk out of the basic living quarters, of which had been converted into a Servant's quarters, namely Serenity's.

The Hassans reluctantly followed, and soon after the complicated explanation from the Master, Serenity and Personas found themselves in a large grass field faced with a gigantic draconic abomination easily fifty times their size, blood dripping from it, as it gazed upon the two with a predatory expression.

"Now, I'm not sure how Personas' weird thing works, but I had Da Vinci whip up a little something." The Master said, a grin on their face as they put a definitely-not-spaghetti-strainer-with-magitech-parts-on-it on Personas' head, Personas' scowl only growing by the second.

Personas grumbled before asking; "And what exactly does this 'little something' do?", absently prodding the not-spaghetti-strainer that was on her head.

"Welll..." The Master replied, flicking on a switch on the back of the not-spaghetti-strainer.

"It either killed your mind or made all of your Personas Serenity, which-" The Master was interrupted by an exact duplicate of Serenity falling (yes, falling) out of Personas, a very deeply confused expression on her face.

Soon, five more followed, then another five, and another five.

After a few minutes of rounding them up and having to use a command seal to restrain Personas as well as King Hassan (who only wanted to cause a minor case of death toward Personas for almost killing his contractor), there was now an army of Serenities facing down the big-ass dragon which had not moved since they entered.

"Now, hug it!" The Master said, almost too enthusiastically.

… Needless to say, the silence from everyone involved was deafening.

Original Serenity, who had remained by the Master's side (as to avoid clone-fusion, because apparently branding them all with rising numbers is 'brutal' and 'cruel.'), then asked; "Hug... the dragon?"

The Master's almost smug smile grew tenfold as they replied "Yeah, hug the meat dragon."

The ensuing silence was probably white noise at this point. "Can.. you elaborate?" OG Serenity asked.

The Master hmphed and replied; "Of course! If you're all poisonous and it's weak to poison, surely it'll die! Now agressively hug that meat dragon, Serenities!" all **too** enthusiastically.

The next few minutes were spent with Serenities awkwardly shuffling around the dragon, trying to get a hold on it, with Cursed Arm remaining for "moral support."

"alright, Start the simulation!" The Master shouted.

After he did so, the Dragon's absent yellow eyes turned bright red and it began to move- no, wait, it exploded.

… It.. just kinda.. exploded. It's stomach burst open with stomach acid spewing everywhere, parts of it's limbs flew around, it's entire head just popped into a million pieces.

"... neat." The Master replied.

What a hellish day for the Simulated Janitors (definitely real, trust me, i'm a Master.)

Master Has An Idea For Cursed Arm!

"You want me to do _what_ when I use my Noble Phantasm next?" Cursed Arm shouted hesitantly, avoiding the swing of the Traitorous Knight Mordred's blade, rubble and grass meshing together in the courtyard which they fought in.

Cu Chulaain and Sasaki Kojirou stood several (seventy) feet back with their Master, who was hiding behind some rubble.

"Slap her!" The Master replied, though through telepathy as to not provoke Mordred more.

"Grgh... I'll trust you this once, Master, but I will not rely on these haphazard strategies any more in battle!" Hassan shouted aloud, causing Mordred to tilt he- his, definitely his, his left brow upward.

"Ah? You and your shitty master over there have a plan? I'd like to see-" Mordred's cranky baby whining was cut off with a rather hasty (And voice-crack riddled) shout of "ZABINAYA!"

Mordred, caught off-guard, lost his footing rather easily, his armour shuffling under the weight of the strike Mordred just suffered, wind rolling throughout the armour, as an outstretched hand swiftly connected onto Mordred's cheek, sending him flying through the dirt.

What happened next was... surprising, to say the least.

Light hics and sniffles could be heard as the dust slowly cleared, revealing Mordred in a fetal position, hands at his head and barely stifling his sobbing.

Cu and Kojirou had a difficult time keeping their cool as Mordred's sobbing grew louder, but that was quickly replaced with full-blown laughter as Mordred whimpered "Uwah.. D-Dad..."

Needless to say, this time, The Master's tactic had worked... Plus the recordings would probably be hilarious later.

After a few minutes of awkward cursed arm back-rubbing and light "there, there"'s from The Master, the ensuing fight was... much more rage-filled than before.

Master Has An Idea For King Hassan! (This part is just fluff tbh)

The First Hassan roamed the halls absently, awaiting the next contract from The Master, before being met with a familiar face.

His Master, the Contractor, on the floor, out like a light.

The First Hassan let out a silent huff and astralized...

Several minutes later, the Master awoke on a bench just near where they had passed out from exhaustion, with a grey blanket on them.

The Master smirked to themselves. 'I'm glad I managed to summon First Hassan.' He thought.

Master ACTUALLY Has An Idea For King Hassan!

The familiar bells rang, and the First Hassan stood in front of a weird star hand thing, a gold glow enveloping said star hand thing.

… But this time, instead of the usual scream, it was a deafening SLAM, as a giant bell crushed the star hand thing.

Medusa stood silently behind the First Hassan, who had a chain in his hands connecting to a giant silver bell, a nervous expression on her face.

"M-Master, was this really such a good idea?" The lavender-haired.. well, technically, she's a goddess? In some mythologies she's just a gorgon (or some interpretations of those mythologies) but considering that in-game she's the sister of Euryale and Stheno, she's a goddess, so saying she's a goddess just fits tbh. Medusa best gorgon sister, umu

… a-anyways, The lavender-haired goddess turned to her Master, who had a bright smile on his face.

"Yep. The Hassans really are neat."

Further SLAMs were heard that day, and many farming runs were made as well.

Master Has Another Idea For Serenity! (But Not Personas)

Serenity sat, huddled in the behemoth known as Heracles' hand, in a stance showing her readiness to pounce, before being fla through the air.

The next thing she saw was that she was latched firmly onto a golden-haired demi-god with an absolutely furious expression on his face.

.. before he exploded.

The Roman crowd went wild as Serenity was blown back to her Master's side from the gory explosion.

"Gotta say, Master, turning a Servant into a poisonous bomb is a good idea! No idea how it works, but-!" Cu Chulaain was cut off by his Master saying; "Neat. Hassans really are neat."

It turns out that aggressive hugging is an alright battle plan as long as Serenity is the designated Aggressive Hugger.

Master's Outta Ideas!

 **A/N: Alright, so, this may be a tad garbo, but that's just because this was a rushed work that I did because I was bored and wanted to do something less serious than the usual. If you all like it, maybe I'll make a continuation or something, like Master Has An Idea For- nevermind, doing that no matter what.  
If you don't like the image of a smol Serenity angrily hugging Gilgamesh, are you even really real? Realn't nibbas be straight yeeting at the idea of a moderate impact poisonous Servant tbh  
See ya guys!**

 **bye lol ~Lad Lad**


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